Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Elcamino's Department Review

"Leave your brain outside the theatre to enjoy this movie"

This is a phrase highly used to sell mindless mass entertainers. But for department the phrase should be changed to

"Leave your eyes and ears and Brains outside the theatre to enjoy this movie"

You can ask me why eyes? We will know about it in detail if you read this.
Ears , to save yourself from the most irritating background score and soundtrack you heard in recent times and brain for obvious reasons cause this is varma at his worstest.

I saw the movie only till intermission so I would talk about it only till then. Now You might say like our dictator "WTF... wat the ohiwromahiwromahii , why didn't you see the whole movie?"

Then my question to you would be "If something happens to me after seeing the whole movie would you provide economic support to my family?"
if your answer is "Yes" then you stop reading my review here and call me at "1800elcamino" and chose option 1 to talk to me and we can figure out the formalities and paper work that makes you responsible for the welfare of my family after my demise. And then I will go and see the rest of the movie and will write a review if I don't breathe my last.

If your answer is NO then continue reading

Now the movie starts and we see a voice over meant for montage shots. But your eyes are exposed to some of the most weirdest images they have ever been exposed to. You see stuff like steering wheel , zipper of pant , the chest hair , the armpits , tobacco , coffee and the finger of a female scratching her crotch (yes he showed it too). And it will take 15mins for a normal eye to adjust to the optical massacre happening on the screen and once your eyes adjust to the visual rape they were subjected to, you realize that verma has used the POV of an insect to show his characters.

Like imagine your are an insect or lets say a male insect , or to be specific an extremely horny and lusty male insect then imagine how you would the see the world and exactly that's how verma shows the characters and objects in this flick. Either he sees himself as that insect or he thinks his audience as insects we need to figure out.

Basically the movie is about a department with in a department. Like dream with in a dream . Or to be precise a nightmare with in a nightmare. This department will operate outside the law to eradicate the underworld. And sanjay dutt forms a team with rana to achieve the same. And in the pursue of their goal they come across characters of obul reddy, vijay raaz , a cute female don with a fungal infected hamstring and an old former don turned politician with a bad case of hernia. And then for a change verma has used songs in his film. And before you jump with joy and shout "ahmendeli aahmendeli ayush aushwah" let me tell you the songs are as bad as the scenes they follow and precede. And a special mention for the item song. The things that the dancer did in that song would make even a sunny leone bow in shame. Means even a porn star would consider that song as vulgar . I cant say more than that.

If you think about it , this movie is a nice concept on paper and its relatable too if you know about the special task force formed by Mumbai police to address the underworld issue in late 90's. But verma just chose to use the most cliched dialogues and most absurd imagery to narrate the story. Its like he just wants to make a bad movie but why he chose good actors god only knows.

And while showing those actors on screen he shows the worst aspect of theirs on screen rather than focusing on the best. Let me tell you how.

There is vijay raaz. One of the great actors of this generation. For starters he is the villain in delhi belly. And when you take vijay raaz in your movie you focus on his acting bilities. So you capture his acting on frame. And you know what verma did. He captures the Biceps of Vijay raaz in every frame he is in and that too in close up. Now that's lame if you can recollect the physic of vijay raaz.He has the biceps of a 5 year old. comeo onnnn.

And then there is sanjay dutt. Again one of the versatile performers on screen. And added to his acting abilities he has decent biceps too. Now verma has two options to capture in frame. Acting or bicep. And you know what he does? He focuses on the out of shape tummy of sanjay dutt and in such an extreme close up that you can even see how many vada pavs he had before every shot. (Sanjay sir in the shot of you before the item number I saw a cockroach in your tummy along with your vada pavs. Please dont eat from that vendor anymore.)

And then there is that cute female don I don't know her name. She is easy on eyes. And she is a woman in shape and she provided verma with 100's of oppurtunities for a good close up. And you know what verma does? He cuts to the extreme close up of her finger scratching he inner thigh.(Darling please maintain hygiene for godsake and use itch guard to stop scratching before running camera)

And then the superstar of bollywood. The Big B. An excellent actor who can perfectly play it to galleries if given a close up shot with a cool dialogue. And you know where verma sneaks in the camera? In between the langota of Big B . With a close up of his Hernia.(Sir you please get that checked out seriously)

And then finally there is rana. We all know what a great actor he is. But to compensate his acting abilities he chiseled his body and provided verma to capture the close up of his bicep or tricep etc etc. But here verma proves why he is considered as a maverick in making bad cinema. You know what he does. You cant even guess. He puts the camera on rana's face in extreme close up. I mean a face which can make even a deadpan look animated. a close up of it? Come on mannnn.

This is verma at his sadistic Best. Seriously.

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